Size 6!

First.....GREAT NEWS! CLEAN SCANS! That's 3 in a row!! WOOHOO!

I feel like a MILLION bucks. Honestly, I feel like I'm healing and becoming a better person all in one swoop! I'm going to church every Sunday (when I can't go, I get SOOOO upset), spiritual advisement happens on Friday, and I go a week on and a week off between my mom and grandma's house. It works better that way.

If you don't have a strong stomach...go ahead and wait for the next update. ;)

So the results of my sigmoidoscopy (half of a colonoscopy) showed that I had 4 fissures (little tears) caused by constipation consistent with all of my medications! Instead of adding stool softeners and Miralax twice a day to the mix, I drastically changed my diet. Rather than an In-n-out cheeseburger w/ fries (both animal style) with a Coke, I am a vegetarian that doesn't drink ANYTHING except water and hold the cookies or brownies please! I didn't think that I could do no meat, no excess sugars, and no sodas....but I'm close to the three week mark (yeaaa!) and they say that it takes 21 days to form a new habit! I have lost two jean sizes! It felt so good buying a size 6 pair of shorts today!

Lastly, I've been buying LOTS of knit headbands...

That's for you, H! ;)

Peace and Love!

Kirsten

Headband lady!

Hey guys!

I have been getting SO many compliments on my knit headbands! Thanks!

This lady knits them up in San Francisco and WHATEVER SHE CHARGES....they are worth double. I LOVE them!!!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/threebirdnest

Giving it all up

First of all, I apologize for not writing in so long! Been pretty busy :)

I HAD CLEAN SCANS! 2nd round of clean scans and ALL the joy in the world. No one has any idea the emotions that I go through waiting the hour that it takes to get the results back...the voices in my head SCREAM at each other, "Kirsten!!! Your head was hurting and you haven't been sleeping well." Then comes in the voice that I love, "SHUT UP! You are fine...everyone gets headaches and you probably are just stressed-that's why you can't sleep! Let's not worry about ANYTHING except looking gorgeous for the hot waiter at CPK."

CLEAN SCANS....WINNINGGGGG!

So I might not show it, but since September 2011, I have been mourning the loss of my hair.

First it was this:

Then it was this:

Now it's this:

It's been a REAL struggle; guys that usually are all up on this (Hahaha I can't even type that without laughing) won't give me the time of day. "I've lost 35 lbs...No? Not good enough unless I have hair?" I guess it's the good Lord saying "take it easy, kid! You and your hormones will be around for a while!"....which is always exciting to hear. :)

Last Wednesday, after three weeks of my white counts being too low, I received my chemotherapy dose! Yay for forward progress! (Speaking of which--NOT happy about the teams going to the Superbowl!)

I was feeling GREAT! Then two days later, I was on the floor of my bathroom at 2am making dinosaur mating calls and throwing up what I swear were my lungs. I didn't sleep for 30 hours- so by the time my mom sent me to bed (approx. 6:30 pm), I was an emotional trainwreck! Nothing a twelve hour coma can't fix :)

So muy importante news....

My friend Donna Hamilton (SHOUT OUT!) was going to church, so being the polite houseguest that I am, I tagged along.

BACKGROUND:

I was baptized as a Catholic and was forced to go to church from the age of 5 until I was 12, with bible study every Wednesday night. It was very monotonous, repetitive, and booooorrrrrrriiiiinnnggg. The catholic church made me despise going to church. 

By the time tumor number 2 popped up, I was CONVINCED that there was no God. If there were a "God", I must've done something SERIOUSLY wrong to piss him off. But really though, if there were a God, why do babies die? Why do children get cancer? Why did I, of all people, have cancer? I mean, honestly; I've never done drugs, I could count on my fingers the amount of times I've been drunk, and had a clean criminal record. WHY ME?!

So anyway, back to my Sunday with Donna...

There are sooooooo many different variations of Christianity. Evangelical is a term that I have heard of,  but never TRULY understood what it meant. I associated it with witchcraft or even a cult. So when Donna said that we were going to an Evangelical church, I was skeptic. Then I asked what the church was called. "The Sanctuary", Donna said in her sweet voice. 

WARNING LIGHTS AND SIRENS FLASHING EVERYWHERE! DEFINITELY A CULT!

WRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!

This church was warm and so welcoming! It is a "come as you are" kind of church. Even though I still wasn't sure about the main goal of the church, I grabbed a name tag and went to find a seat. The pastor's sermon was catered to ME. It's like someone had written him a book of my life and given it to him and he was advising me what to do. It was amazing! We went to the back of the room, got a little extra prayer, and made our way out to the courtyard. Pastor Marty had on a tie with a cartoon frog with its' tongue sticking out, so naturally, he was chasing around all of the kids with it. Donna grabbed my arm and led me to the Pastor. "This is my friend, Kirsten." He smiled; he could tell that I would completely eat up every word that he said. I was absolutely mesmerized by his sermon on "giving it all up to the Lord" and leaving all my problems, worries, and anxieties at His feet. He said to me "Kirsten, I'll bet you ask yourself countless times EVERY day, WHY? Why me?! Why am I in a situation where I have NO control?" He knew my thoughts and feelings exactly! "YES!!!!" Then he said to me, "even if I knew and told you the exact reason WHY, then what...?" He was so right! What do I do once I have the scientific reason why? "Ask WHAT! So what am I going to do about it?!" Pastor Marty looked at me and smiled,"...exactly." From that moment on, I was sold.

I am currently in the process of writing a book, working on planning a talk for parents of/and kids (separately) with cancer, and want to donate time to spend with the kids that can't go home in between treatments. All of these ideas were made possible by laying a problem that I have NO control over at the feet of God and letting him carry it for me. It feels great!

Remember to laugh a little each and every day....Everything is going to be ok :)

<3 Kirsten

Back to the grind...

Let me start out with the winners of the iPad 2 winners: drumrolllllllllllllllllllll
Daphne Dindal & Danielle Yaffe (applause) Congratulations ladies!

This is going to be a blog of mostly thank you's :)

Thank you Debra Mann for sending Christmas my way early this year and EVERYONE involved with the boutique. Every night, the last things that I look at are my cross and my baboon picture. It means the world to me that you would think of me and put SOOOOO much effort into such a beautiful event. Thank You!

Thank you Carla Hunt. I am not really sure how to continue with my thought when I type your name :)
Your strength radiates to me and your donation has made SO many things possible for my family and I. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Mr. Inemer-Thank you for all that you are doing to get the ball rolling at Valencia High School. You have been incredible for me to vent to even on my worst of days. Thank you!

Thank you Intero Realty for your amazing donation, Silpada Designs for your amazing donation, EVERYONE that has donated to the "Love for Kirsten" fund has been absolutely AMAZING. Thank you very much.

Next round of chemo looks like NO RADIATION!!!!!!!!! Wahooo!

The first cycle is an oral cycle where I take 2 different oral chemotherapy treatments. I have been promised that this will not make me sick.



WE SHALL SEEEEEEEEEE!

Scan results......

CLEAN!!!!!!!

It's been a while....

To be completely honest, it has been a non-eventful 3 1/2 week break from treatment. Usually, I would do something extravagant like buy a plane ticket to Chicago or take up tennis-I am SO relieved that there has been absolutely NOTHING to do! The first week and a half was weird as I could literally feel the poison leaving my body; my bones felt gummy like when you leave chicken bones out for too long.I've been noticing that the radiation seemed to have fried my "brain-mouth" filter. For the last 3 weeks, I've been noticing that I say WHATEVER is on my mind...to everyone-which is really embarrassing when you are talking to your grandma about the size,color,and frequency of your bowel movements. :)

Moving right along, I've had to take more medication than I initially wanted to because the neuropathy in my feet has been more painful than I could have ever imagined! I can't complain, because at least the radiation and worst of chemotherapy is finished! Wahooooooo! This past weekend, I went up to the lake house that sits on Lake Nacimiento and overlooks part of the lake. It was a really nice change of atmosphere for me! This was the first time that I had been healthy enough to travel, so that was especially cool for me.


I regret to inform you of a loss in my life this week. Ever since I lost my hair, my world just hasn't been the same...I felt like something was missing--because DUH! Then it happened-my first baby hair sprouted up and it was like I had a child! I was so happy! I showed my longest pride and joy off to everyone I met. Then one night after admiring her beauty, I took a shower, and she became a victim to the drain. RIP Godiva!

On a happier note, my blood counts are sllloooowwwwwly recovering and I have my first scans since treatment next Wednesday (nervous, yet trying to be confident). Will know the next course of action at that point! Of course, I will let you all know the details of all that comes!

Thank you all for all of your continued love and support!

Peace, Love, and as many calories as you want!
Kirsten

TGI the LAST DAY!!!!

Holy moly, what a ride! Need I mention a ride that I never EVER want a ticket for anytime in the near future...or ever for that matter. Tears ran down my face during my last radiation treatment; they asked why I was crying and I WANTED to say "because I never have to see you again", but I simply said "....because I did it." Radiation is BY FAR the hardest thing I've ever gone through; though breaking up with Aaron Grahmm in 5th grade was pretty rough! I have to see my friends at chemotherapy once a week, just to get my blood counts. Now I get a 4-6 week break in which I plan to eat my entire weight in Thanksgiving food! :)

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I am pretty sure that I would not be alive if it weren't for my amazing support group-Mom, Jonathan, Dad, Grandma, my amazing boyfriend, Dawn, Brenda, Patti, Kristyn, Danielle, Lauren, Aunt Alisa and family, and EVERYONE THAT HAS DONATED to "Love for Kirsten". Your help is appreciated more than you know!